blue suede shoes

it looks good to see smiling faces when you know they're genuine.

there are some people who always look like that. what's it take?

it's so cold, and I just can't take it.

It was 19 degrees this morning. Did anyone else feel it? It's painfully cold. My teeth hurt, and my gums are chilled. The tips of my fingers are little cherries for a decent amount of time until they thaw out.

I should be studying, but sometimes my hands just have to write.

They have to explain the time that Mariah and I spent in the stacks last night at the OU library. It was quiet, and we sat on the floor of glass, in between shelves full of books, and read poetry together.

D H Lawrence, to be exact. He's the one we were both stuck on.

"Her father was not a coherent human being, he was a room full of echoes."

It's so hard not to just stick the old, age stained pages into your bag. My conscience always gets in the way. I have one of the worst, I think.

Maybe not.

Sometimes I can do things that don't even phase me.

Yet sometimes they're stuck to my heart and I can't even rest because my head is pounding, heart is screaming. Last night, I had a time like this and I texted Collin to apologize for everything I said to him on Thursday. Fell asleep immediately after I sent the message. I woke up this morning 10 minutes after he had texted me a huge message in response. Maybe that's why I had the dream of my mother and I shouting and yelling at each other. The reason that in my dream, my phone burst into flames. Turned into a huge block of coals. John Wayne Gacy Jr. was playing in the background - I woke up singing it.

Has anyone heard that song? By Sufjan Stevens? It's about a rapist clown named Pogo.

Such an odd way to wake up. Just 15 minutes before my alarm went off.

Don't want to face it.

This morning, I talked to my AP English teacher that I had for about a week earlier this year, about getting back into his class. I've complained about him before, don't worry.

I feel as if I'm wasting my knowledge coloring pictures and holding hands with my current English teacher as we read Hamlet.

Reading Demian over the break. Either that or Awakening.

Or both.

We'll see.