everyone has always known, and sometimes that is scary to me. it catches me off guard. when people explain my spirit to me without even really knowing me. or even if they are familiar with all of the weird things i am accustomed to doing? when they call me out on something i try to keep secret, but it leaks through the cracks somewhere. it's weird. i'm unsure why i always feel the need to keep things hidden from people, and it was never intentional, it was never mindful. i just like keeping things to myself until i can give it to the ones i put my trust and faith into, you know?
but everyone has always known about my future. even reminiscing on when i was little, they remember that i wasn't going to stick around. or maybe i will end up with my feet dug into the red clay, but it's all up in the air, and i'm ready for whatever happens. i'm really excited about everything kicking off. my whole family talks so fondly of what's going to happen, and they're never afraid to share what they're thinking. my dad texted me yesterday just to tell me he was really proud of me all around, and i've looked at it about ten times in the past twenty four hours, because sometimes i forget how sensitive he is, and how much my dad loves me. i always forget that my second guessing nature, and my tender heart comes from him most of the time. no one means better than him.
it's the same with other relationships in my life, that i forget the wonderful aspects about each of them. not that i forget, but i just really want to always be mindful of how blessed i am to have such wonderful, spiritual, loving, ever-giving, and always thoughtful people in my life. it warms me just to think about each of them, and i'm so proud of who each of them are becoming. all the friends that I still have, I have known for at least five years now, and it's so special to hear that everyone of them are actually working toward what they've always wanted to do. god, i am so proud to call them my bests. even the friends i have that have moved away, either to california or even to colorado; my best friend that moved to massachusetts, they all somehow know when i need to hear from them. they keep in touch. charlotte will take a break from studying for her earth science mid term to listen to me rant about my day then tell me how much she misses me, she'll tell me about her life and we'll make each other laugh. and i'm so happy for that, i treasure that so much.
overall, despite this shitty ass week, my life is still wonderful. this week is full of free time, even time for myself that i think i'm really going to appreciate. god is faithful.
No comments:
Post a Comment