this morning i woke up ten minutes late, threw on clothes i knew would keep me warm, and headed out the door after making myself avocado toast for breakfast. my hands were so full, and my mom had to help me with the doors because i was rushing and inevitably going to drop my phone or laptop or breakfast on the garage floor. but she helped me, and that was nice. i get outside and the air is so brisk, it's so crisp and fresh, and freezing. i start mindlessly driving toward oklahoma city, and remember i have absolutely no gas in my car. i have to make a pit stop at a gas station by the interstate for no ethanol, and then join the parade of people rushing to work/school at eight in the morning. the interstate at these times always gives me anxiety because everyone is in a rush, all together, so uniform, but you have those random cars that like to sporadically whip out in front of you right as you're deciding to change the song? i just like to take the backroads, always.
i made it to school, ten minutes late, and sat in the front row. for whatever reason, today is different at school. i'm so used to just coming here and staring, taking down notes, and trying to comprehend everything from 8-4. yet this morning in my eight oclock class, my statistics professor went on a fourty minute rant about education, and how it's changed since the 1700s. this engaged me, thinking about how true it is that so many people just go to school to "have a degree" and they don't really give a shit about actually learning the material. and i'm one of those people. i do not give a fuuuuuuuuck about business. i do not care about business statistics, or the general flow of economics, i do not care. i do not care at all. i just think it would be helpful to know for my own business that i'm going to have. but after Machiloratti's rant, he said "find something you're passionate about, and do that. pursue that."
so i guess it shouldn't surprise me that i have a 55 average in my accounting class, and that half the time i make up excuses to skip economics. i don't really know what to do next, necessarily, but i've been thinking about it all morning; what to do. the immediate thing that came to mind when machiloratti said to find your passion, i thought about coffee, i thought about tea. and how do you really pursue that? one of my friends is now the owner of gray owl? and as much as i would hate to be a part of the hipster~hangout~ i need to follow what i want to do. like how will i ever learn if i never spend any time with it? so i think today, or within the week, i'm going to ask Andrew about shadowing there in my free time. learning the basics. maybe even if he wants to give me a job there (which is doubtful, i'm unsure if i would even ask for that), i would probably go for it. just to be involved with something i'm passionate about.
it is so dumb that i let something like accounting ruin a whole day for me. last week, it honest to god got the best of me. and that is so dumb. it is so dumb that it isn't going to matter next semester even. okay, well maybe my grade will matter, but what is the rush to finish it all so soon? there's no rush at all because i'm still nineteen, and there's a plan for everything, and it's all going to work out.
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