i think about who i am, and what i do that could possibly define me. if i'm proud of all of those things, and if i'm not? why i even bother doing them. if i care?
i love my little cove of a room, it keeps getting cozier. but it doesn't have memories of me sobbing over books. over journals even. it doesn't have any emotion yet. it's just me putting paintings on the walls to make it feel like home. and it's getting there. i can honestly say that i love my room on jones. i love that it's so close to both of my jobs. i love that both of my roommates are the most beautiful people who shine both internally and externally. they're a standard that make me want to keep going. they're two girls to be proud of. i wonder if they think the same about who i am. i wonder what they think about when i'm not around, or when they're alone. if anything. i think about our living room and all of the conversations that are going to be held there and that makes me so excited. to grow.
to extend my roots and push myself outside of everything that's comfortable.
everything that's safe, and easy.
i always need a challenge.
a challenge to stay conscious when your arm is seared in two places pulling out bread at jimmy johns. i don't know how i kept myself steady. until i ate my protein bar, that was flavored like the incense i keep in my bag, i thought i was going to have to go home from work early. ... not that they'd let me. but instead i ended up working overtime. reapplying burn cream, and looking at everyones scars from their burns, maybe this is just character being added on.
a little crescent moon shaped brand on my arm, and a less severe one on my forearm.
everything happens for a reason.
this is normal.
don't worry, and feel free.
broaden your horizons. keep your roots grounded, but continue to grow towards the sunlight.
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