season change

the thing is - i haven't felt anything good in awhile.

that's a lie.

I've felt good things, just not things that literally make me burn inside because it feels so good.

today I felt that.

I spent so much time with my best friend. painting, laughing, creating, sharing.

I love her and used to feel so distant.

I'm becoming less dependent on other things, which I think is good. Nothing is permanent. Not hatred, anger, not even love. Everything changes, but not everything has changed.

We created an etsy account today because we actually need to do something with our talent and creativity that we're overflowing with. There are so many opportunities.

We took so many pictures. Painted so many things. Sewed, searched for buttons. It felt good.

It's fall. You can hear it. You can feel it. You walk outside and hear the crunching of leaves and it's probably my favorite feeling. I love the way the leaves all pile up on the sides of the street. You drive and the leaves just swirl around you in different colors. My favorite colors.

Nothing can recreate it. You can't draw it, you can't try to explain it... it is it's own thing. Fall has always been my absolute favorite season. You can start drinking hot coffee again. Tights are always on my legs, and I wear the same dumb little booties every day because it's fall. I text old friends because it's fall. I can't stop crying because it's fall and I feel every single emotion because.. it's fall.

I don't want it to end. However, nothing is permanent.

I have so much on my mind and I don't have enough motivation to fulfill everything. Don't think I haven't thought about you everyday, because I have.

It's fall and I can feel so much.