indian blankets

I don't know where to begin.

Today had good energy and good vibes. Maybe because Kelsey and I kept telling ourselves how good was going to be? Maybe because the words "Today will be the best day" became my mantra early this morning. From the moment I woke up from a weird, uncomfortable dream. I woke up to an empty house. My parents flew out to Chicago early this morning - it's their anniversary. Dressed myself, made tea, and left my quiet house.

I always look forward to Wednesdays. They're almost, yet not nearly quite as enjoyable as Thursdays. Every Wednesday I go to the youth service at my church, and I used to get more out of it than I do now. I think it's because that it's main focus is on fourteen year olds and their problems. Not saying that a few years makes that much difference in our problems, but... it sort of does. Also, when I was fourteen, I was attending the same exact youth group and we were taught the same things. The words were engraved into my heart, so they're already there. I don't really need to hear the obvious. It's redundant. Despite my feelings towards the messages, I keep going. I sort of feel like it's an obligation; there's no option. I really enjoy the worship, even though me and another girl are the only ones who ever get into it. The other kids just look like zombies, staring up at Todd playing the guitar. Watching the lights flash above us. The songs are fulfilling.

But during the message, I normally just flip through the pages of my Bible and read what stands out to me. What I found tonight was Luke 6:27

"Love your enemies. Let them bring out the best in you,

not the worst... Live generously."

As simple as that sounds, it's sometimes the hardest thing to do. I've noticed that I have these unspoken grudges towards people. When we pass in the halls, I avoid eye-contact. When I think about why I have a problem with them, it seems idiotic. There's absolutely no reason to have any sort of negative feelings toward them. I'm not getting any enjoyment out of it and neither is God. It's a complete waste of time.