why not me?

we've been talking. i've been telling him how mexico is his home, how he belongs there.

he's been on my mind the past week. we've been talking.

today, he sees me in the hall and he hugs me. we talk for a good two minutes and i retreat to the art room. the first time i had talked to him in person since november. i couldn't stop chewing and peeling and scratching my lips.

he's been on my mind.

tonight he texts me "hii :)" and we talk. he's not happy.

he's so stressed, and my heart breaks. he doesn't feel okay with school, it's not for him, and i know this. kelsey knows this. after seeing him in mexico, it's apparent that he doesn't belong here. i asked what his motivation was and he said "i have none.." he has nothing to live for here, and it's breaking me. i reach out to him. i tell him to lay it out for me. to pour it on top of me, and he does. it breaks me even further.

he thanks me and thanks me for listening, for giving him time.

then he just starts apologizing for everything he did. and i can't take it. he's telling me how good and loyal i was, and how he hasn't forgiven himself.. what do i do? like, what can i say?

he tells me that i'm a girl he doesn't want out of his life for any reason. that he knows it's his fault for our growing apart, and he's sorry. he keeps apologizing.

he keeps telling me how i didn't deserve it.

i don't know what to say. ever. i dont.

all i know to say is to learn from it... it had to be someone.

catching up, updating.

getting sleepy.

"will you sing me to sleep?"

"sure :) which song?"

"mm, something sleepy and easy"

"mmm how abouttt.. for the widows in paradise? :) i've been playing that on guitar lately"

shit.