left or right?

what happened to when i was talking to marisa and I was completely okay with being alone. I was so sure.

I'm still okay with being alone.

I think, anyway.

I was so positive that I didn't want him in my life at all. I was completely okay. He messaged me on facebook - yeah, fucking personal, right? Tells me about how he went to the Tech bowl game. He used smileys and was like "have a good dayyyyy" PLEASE STAY OUT OF MY LIFE. What more can I do? Should I even be blaming him for me missing him?

I literally had to argue with myself about texting him tonight.

"God, I miss you. Who you used to be to me."

Exactly.

Who he used to be. He's changed. He was always so good at charming and lying and putting on this faceeeee. Nooooooo. Dude, go away.

I can do better. I know this.

Is this me just wanting to go back to something familiar? I always say humans do that. I believe it. But I think maybe it's still so new. Who am I trying to kid about it being okay?

No, i really feel okay about it 95% of the time.

Until he messages me like we're friends. Like we had no history. Like I didn't give him my greatest gift, like he didn't turn around and share himself with his ex-girlfriend who already smirks at me in the hallway because she knows.

Go away.

What's wrong with packing everything up and going somewhere distant?

I'd miss a few people. Mostly my family, honestly.

Sometimes I am so sure that I am so strong.

I keep being tested. I have to have self-control.

Where are the fruits of the spirit?

Hold on.

Galatians 5:22-23

"But the fruit of the Spirit is love, joy, peace, patience, kindness, goodness, faithfulness, gentleness and self-control. Against such things there is no law."

Do I really have to do something like write it on my arms everyday to remember them?

I'll do it if I have to.

I have to.

Thank God for rest and peace of mind.

I made a dreamcatcher.

and a tumblr.

http://spinninghands.tumblr.com/