it's midnight

there comes a point, seemingly in my life-far too often, that you just have to break down and recognize that even when you audibly tell yourself you're strong. or when you remind yourself that you are natural and beautiful while you're standing, sobbing in the shower by yourself, you have to recognize that you really annoy do it on your own. I've been blessed with a wonderful helpmate, truly. I often seek way too much affection in hopes to physically feel desired, or in hopes to make myself feel worth something more than the bag of tears I have. Yet I've been blessed with a real man who knows that sometimes I just need to be told that it's unrealistic for me to tell myself (mentally) all of the awful negative things I feel my spirit throughout the day. Sometimes when I step back and remember us laying in bed together, me crying and searching for a response, I realize that him listening and holding me is more consultation than I ever expected. It's after these realizations that a woman has to take control of her body. I've been focusing on this for awhile now, but it's a consuming prifect bigger than mental encouragements as you're driving to school. You won't really see a true turn around until you mentally commit to changing your perspective. When you openly tell yourself that things are going to be different. When you tie down your emotions and tell yourself that your heart is in charge and your boy follows. Your emotions are something that make a woman unique, and they aren't all powerfully consuming like mine had become. Become. It's a process, but finding my own feet and recognizing my own uniqueness is something I'm still learning. Not only bringing the idea to mind, but learning to accept it myself. Which is something I never thought I would have an issue in overcoming.