daily grind bullshit

a lot has been on my mind, and i never know how to organize it all so i just think and think and think all day, and never know where to go with it.

today is the first time in probably two straight weeks where i've spent more than an hour by myself - which is really rare for me. i've been going full speed for the past 14 days, and today i have taken two naps. everyone in my quiet house is in bed, and i'm back to the comfort of my dim-lit living room by myself like i'm used to.

i think because of being surrounded by people nearly 24/7, i left my phone completely away from me nearly all day. it's dead half the time anyway, but i had no desire to contact anyone. i'm sorry if you were affected by this; one of my bests called me asking if i was mad because i didn't respond to anything all day, but i just have nothing to say nor the ears to listen really. sort of shitty to admit, but i need a break sometimes.

where this week has been dreadfully busy, i've really enjoyed it. thursday i hung out with my friend jp nearly all day which was really nice, to be honest. he's becoming one of my closest friends, and i love that. there are so many things that i respect about him, that i could go on and on about, but i'll spare whoever is reading. i invited him to chickasha with me on thursday to meet all of my bests at riah's party. was really comforting to mesh my two worlds, i think. we drove home together around one in the morning and had some of the best conversations. neither one of us really have anyone to talk that way with so we just get together late at night, generally, and share every idea or theory or belief that's been concerning us. he's got such a beautifully open mind about spirituality, balance and life in general. i'm his refuge, and there's so much safety in that.

so much is changing right now. my priorities are out of whack (maybe not, it's mostly about perspective), but i haven't talked to charlotte in over two weeks and i'm always tempted to just buy a plane ticket to boston and surprise her. i just imagine off the plane and finding my way to burton third and never letting go of her neck - i dream about this more often than not. but i have no money and no time, so dreaming on. my life is so scarily organized lately, it's all laid out for me with my same 'ole work schedule with my same 'ole school schedule and i see the same damn people every single day that it's sort of getting redundant. it scares me sometimes to think about committing so something for longer than a span of six months, but oh well, i guess. nothing to be afraid of. watching kids grow for a year can't be that bad. or seeing the same thing every single day for longer than six months can't be too awful.

i never know, but since all of my life seems to have fallen into a routine i'm always craving something new. i've been really wanting new piercings, my tattoo or even to make new jewelry for myself.

speaking of, i'm going to start selling things on ebay for extra cash since the daycare makes me zero dollars. i could sell a lot of my jewelry that i never wear, a shit ton of my shoes or designer bags that i never will ever carry again. i'm also excited to make a game out of hunting at goodwill for treasures i could sell online.

this is all really sporadic, but my brain has yet to slow down.