i have it

i haven't written in a while, and it's sure not because of lack of time. but because i really don't have anything to say that's worth reading.

i have it.

i haven't told anyone this because i've been trying to fight it. i don't even know how to describe the way i feel sometimes. displaced? surreal? but not like a haze sort of feeling, but absence. and it's scary. and i have to talk myself out of it. i have to distract myself from feeling like life isn't real.

and you guys help me do it.

i remember sitting around the table, you're all so loving. out in the middle of nowhere at your house, and you're all so loving. and the thing is, there is no substance that can make me feel as full as that group did that time. and it was a perfect group. a few imperfections, and some of you had inhaled things inside of you that could've made you that way, but i don't care because it made you beautiful.

you're all beautiful. and you all keep me distracted and uplifted.

you're all so loving.

it's you. and it's a few others that keep me distracted. it's pages and pages of words that i keep reading. that i tape to my walls, my doors, and it keeps me level-headed and above everything that my mind tries to convince me is right.

it's all wrong.

everything is wrong,

except the beauty in you.

and across the country at a music festival. you're the most beautiful one.