remember to trust

7:34 am
My body automatically wakes me up and tells me it's the first day of school. Cool. Anxiousness fills my entire body and I can't fall back asleep. Not the "yeaaaaaahhh! First day of school!!!" kind of anxiousness.. it's the "...........first day of schooooolll.........." kind. The kind that you knew was coming and you want to just push it away.

Where did summer go? Seriously. My birthday was THE FIRST day of summer and it seems like a week ago, maybe. But now it's the end of August. When did August even begin? Where was the entire month of July? It's the weirdest feeling to just lose a whole season. I didn't even feel it go. I knew it was there and I cherished it for the most part, but then it just got comfortable and it seemed like any other day.

Being back in school doesn't feel any different. Not at all. It feels like I've been going to school the whole year, throughout the entire summer season, and I just went to class today for fun. The summer literally passed like a thought. It came and went so quickly. I didn't even feel it go.

I went to the beadery with my mom today after lunch. I made two beautiful necklaces.
One is completely random, with a bear in the middle. A strong, protective bear.
The other is long, extending down below my boobs, and has metal letters at the very center that spell out "T R U S T".
That's something I defintely need to work on. Not only trusting my friends, boyfriend, parents, family, leaders.. but trusting myself. Trusting my inner soul that always shouts at me and I just blow it off. I push everything aside and I just sit stagnantly and don't think or do anything. I just work on impulse most of the time. It gets so annoying. I think that's part of why I don't remember anything about my childhood. Even up to eighth grade. I have noooo idea what happened during eighth grade. I was the new weird girl who didn't know anyone. The only thing I really remember about that year was when I was walking in the halls with Hayley, who knew Jasmine, and Jasmine gave us both tootsie rolls. That's it. I remember one tiny little idiot tootsie roll. COOL.
That's partly the reason for my Trust necklace. The other reason is because I need to remember that guy up there in the sky - God. This guy I used to call my best friend. Lately, I forget to even talk to him sometimes. It's frustrating to think back on when I was so into Him. I was so into reading my Bible religiously and praying about every little thing. My mind was always set in His direction. Now sometimes I don't even think about Him? I really could get so mad at myself for that. Yet maybe it's not completely a bad thing? Maybe this is just some phase He knew I would go through. A lesson. I'm still learning. But I still believe that I need to remember Him, and when things get rough - which I'm expecting because my English class is going to be so hard to pass - I just need to trust.