nostalgia

it's really intimidating trying to find an apartment in boston while your parents are laughing in the next room. just makes me uneasy.


but i got my homework done for the week - for my online class, at least. drinking tea out of my new gemini mug, and just had a homemade protein bar. not everything is stressful.

coming soon, anticipating.

how do you comprehend that every dream you've ever had - be it hazy or seemingly clear - how do you come to terms that it's happening within the year? i've never felt more sure of anything in my life and i'm proud to go everywhere and write it all over everything. i'll tell anyone, i'll explain it to anyone, that i am the most blessed woman since i've come back to you. and it's not something selfish, like i swear it's not something that either of us have power of, but its something more astronomical. something that only the biggest god we believe in can control. only god almighty can make the stars align in such a way that i feel perfect in you. like the most pure and close to fulfilled woman. only with you and no body else. not any skin or no scent of another room can make me feel like this, but you make me radiate with an unreal light i didn't know i had inside of me.

fall semester of solitude

fall semester has started.
if i didn't know by the longest day of class in my life, it's obvious by how i made time to sew tonight. how i'm sitting here typing out what i'm thinking for once in a really long while. it's going to be like this for a year, and probably only get worse, but i'll adapt, i am hoping. i'll adapt or get sucked into my own things. like maybe i'll keep up really well with my school work. maybe i'll care enough this semester to actually make grades better than just average. things are all falling into place and i've never felt more sure about any one thing in my life.


thinking about months from now, or even that "one day" that's coming soon now. it's all i think about, it consumes the margins of my school work, of my notes, the margins of my free time. it's literally all i think about. where to put the wildflowers and how to wear my smile so i look somewhat elegant without looking like either one, my heart is about to explode, or two...my heart is about to explode. to say i'm excited would be an understatement.

i guess i'm making more friends, rather, making better friends with acquaintances.  it's funny to see how people act when it's just the two of you. how you can see right through whatever face they're trying to put on for you. it's a learning experience in itself.

this year is only going to get more exciting, and i'll be writing more. i promise i'll be writing more.

It's more than four letters, it's more than any word that I could write over and over and all over everything I could find. It's more than my excitement to wake up to you, right next you, each morning. It's far beyond just having any dream ring I could find, inviting everyone we have ever loved or anyone who ever cared about us to come and watch us be married. It's so much more than "this is my boyfriend since this summer", "this is my boyfriend", "im his girlfriend". more than you being a doctor or me having a vegetarian cafe. its more than the feeling to write my name with your last name on the end. It's indescribable to feel like this about someone, I can't ever put it into words. I literally try to explain to people how I love you, I can't do it - I really can't. But to see the look in your eyes that I can feel all over my skin that you feel the exact same way, it's worth all the struggle of trying to write it out. It's worth the distance for four days, not talking or being busy. It's all worth it because I am wholly and completely in love with you, Tyler. I never in my life even dreamed I could feel this way about anyone. And it's you. It's you, and I'm so thankful and beyond blessed that you love me too.