timshel

is it bad that i want to become something so new to everyone that i don't have to explain my past? i want to be so far away sometimes that no one even cares anymore. i don't want people to refer to times in my life as "when you and collin broke up". whoooo issss heeee, i don't even know. i rode my bike past his street today and didn't even look down the stretch of it. i feel so disconnected from him and from junior year's greg. i don't know any of them, and you don't know me either. get me out of here. i'm starting to feel like the moon, and you're becoming the ocean. or am i the ocean spitting salt into every open and wounded area of your skin? i'm stealing your life, and collaborating with gravity. i can't help it.

i'm not alone in this. god, this is my first night alone. my bed feels so big, but it's mine and i've lost touch with it, and this keyboard. with all of this music. this feeling of drifting, this feeling of hanging on.

i can feel the tide turning. i'm the one pushing and pulling.