my safe haven

please take me back to that time when you were laying face down on my floor.

erase the strangers who sat there staring back at me.

erase the clear string, that i couldn't even reach.

remember?

please remember.

you were with me, and i was with you.

like i always am.

like i will always be. for you.

you don't realize that you have encouraged and pulled me.

where would this be? where could you find this?

moon

exhaling,

my cardigan

rolling down

my back

and arms

like smoke.

gliding

and

drifting

down

the neck

of the deepest

wooden woman.

she dances

with pulsing emotion,

rhythmically aligned

with the enumerated

stars.

scratching

the snare.

the lights go out

and there is a glittery,

glowing,

fluorescent

feel to her spirit.

blameless

and contagious.

pure-hearted gem.

wild rice

continuously murmuring my mantra,

today was a good day.

down a few bucks. my shoulders, yet again, are relaxed.

exhaling with my arm stretched upwards towards the ceiling,

my body feels brand new again.

dancing and laughing in bollywood.

the weather was beautiful. the windows were down and the sun was so hot on my skin. it turned a shade of pink, enhancing my freckles. this is it. there was a chill in the wind, and my foot couldn't accelerate past 40. i liked that.

jazz concert - michael boyle, double bassist.

seeing him in his element was unreal. he's so flamboyant, full of passion. Hal Corn. The pianist. I don't remember his name. Tam went with me, last minute decision, and i drove my dad's car.

There's something about coming home and being alone in this living room.

There's something I could hold onto.

glittery and fluorescent reflections

everything is pointing me towards the ocean.

the pink marble flooring on the walls.

the salt

the skirts

the wind and my curls.

i think about it almost everyday.

shells and mermaids against the rocks;

green. brown, turquoise.

november 7th seems like so long ago.

do i ever want to change? considering the distance it seems date wise makes it seem so so far away. but remembering it feels like yesterday, and you know this. i always tear myself up about it, but lately? there's this odd peace about it. not comfort, but peace. i feel it's alright, and i'm not as ashamed.

you know this.

when i think of "my prayer", it embarrasses me to even consider. not even to do it in the future, but that i have. upon many occasions. i don't know that i could count on one hand; and for what. to be eaten by the wooden stairs i used to slide down on. i used to spill tea on those stairs. my feet were lost in them. that old, now, brown leather couch engulfed me and wrapped it's stuffed arms around me.

i'm not proud of it.

but i'm okay about it.

complete goodness and purity.

an open and free heart.

comfort with what's ahead.

that my spirit that mirrors yours will glow, shine and be contagious.

unconditional compassion.

unconditional.

this too shall pass

ill write better.

lately - -

crap load of homework laying on my shoulders, tightening my jaw. waking me up in the morning. this too shall pass.

worrying about quartz admission. we find out this week.

what do i do with my life; the eternal question. will we ever know?

looking down at my right middle finger, the turquoise gem wrapped in sterling silver and that beautiful lady named Julie from Arkansas who sold it to me. med fair with my brother. the stars, compatibility with the stones, native.

prom. .. . ... ..

my sister. my blood. my first grade love. alley in massachusetts. woke up with IVs. conversation with patty, drove around sobbing. dialing anyone who would answer. please answer. i was a wreck.

"i feel very lucky".

sigh of relief.

i don't know you anymore with your flat-front shorts.

i keep daydreaming -

braces

college

you

me

living alone

only a part of me, holding my hand?

sometimes thats all i can see.

my statues of everything good, and everything right.

the smell of faerie wings

floating and soaring around, entangling itself in my fibers.

the stones, the water.

the turquoise masks.

leather shoes

and the stairs.

stairs.

alive

i don't want this to end.

tonight was too good, even doing homework. even feeling awkward at the art show because i had already seen every piece a million times.

i like seeing you three - mariah, michael, miriel.

i like that we're all in the same english class.

i like that we sat at the gray owl and talked about nothing, but it was all so good.

we walked outside and it was still warm. each time.

it's still beautiful.

yet there's lightening. everywhere, it seriously won't stop.

it's storm season, but i feel myself coming alive.