autumn

Last night, at a study group thing, Mariah gets a call from a youth leader. Asking about her day, her life, "how can I keep you in my prayers?", things like that. It looked and sounded so good.

I want that.

Someone who remembers me.

Someone who cares enough about me to remember me.

Everyone wants that, I think. In some shape or form.

But it's not just attention that we all want, I don't think. Because it's not a good feeling to be texted or called, or asked to be hung out with just because they know you're close to a drug dealer. It doesn't feel good to be ditched to smoke pot. It hits deep, yanno?

I don't really let it get to me, but it just shows that people change and when you try to come back, things aren't the same. Not at all. Not only have they changed, but so have you. And if you don't keep up at all while you're doing different things, it's hard to cope with.

But then you look around and you realize that at least one good friend is much better than 3 friends who ditch you for weed. Use you for weed.

Thank God.

God - I need so much more of God. You know when you feel like you miss an old friend? I miss God like that. I miss relying on Him. I miss Him. How did I let Him get so far away? I always thought about Him, always do think about Him, but that's nothing. That means nothing. He needs to know that He's missed. You have to put action into it.

I miss you.

I'm so glad that it's fall. It's cold, I wear hoodies, tights, boots, scarves, drink hot coffee. It feels so good.

I'm blessed and sometimes I forget.

I have so much love to give. So much to say. Too much to say.

When it rains, have you ever noticed how everything kind of just blurs into one big artwork? You know they're all individual things, but there's something making it all jumbled? I feel like that's how this blog is right now. Just rain in the city. Just mixing colors, emotions and feelings.