a day in the life

wake up in a weird room, my mind's already set on how weird my life has gotten.

don't shower.

never shower.

wash off yesterdays makeup, brush my teeth.

shine the metal.

rubber bands - on.

double-time.

throw on the same brown dress i wore yesterday, different green tights.

sit in church, legs crossed.

yawn.

(pop)

broke a bracket.

felt as if my tooth was being pulled from my gums, roots and all.

nice.

thanks for that.

mosey to the bathroom mirror.

naked tooth, right front.

retreat to my green room on wheels, my life.

piano plays in my car, i want to cry.

the most beautiful lyrics dance around my car, on my steering wheel, through my necklaces.

music.

fall music.

there's a time

Sometimes being a friend means mastering the art of timing. There is a
time for silence. A time to let go and allow people to hurl themselves
into their own destiny. And a time to prepare to pick up the pieces
when it's all over.

autumn

Last night, at a study group thing, Mariah gets a call from a youth leader. Asking about her day, her life, "how can I keep you in my prayers?", things like that. It looked and sounded so good.

I want that.

Someone who remembers me.

Someone who cares enough about me to remember me.

Everyone wants that, I think. In some shape or form.

But it's not just attention that we all want, I don't think. Because it's not a good feeling to be texted or called, or asked to be hung out with just because they know you're close to a drug dealer. It doesn't feel good to be ditched to smoke pot. It hits deep, yanno?

I don't really let it get to me, but it just shows that people change and when you try to come back, things aren't the same. Not at all. Not only have they changed, but so have you. And if you don't keep up at all while you're doing different things, it's hard to cope with.

But then you look around and you realize that at least one good friend is much better than 3 friends who ditch you for weed. Use you for weed.

Thank God.

God - I need so much more of God. You know when you feel like you miss an old friend? I miss God like that. I miss relying on Him. I miss Him. How did I let Him get so far away? I always thought about Him, always do think about Him, but that's nothing. That means nothing. He needs to know that He's missed. You have to put action into it.

I miss you.

I'm so glad that it's fall. It's cold, I wear hoodies, tights, boots, scarves, drink hot coffee. It feels so good.

I'm blessed and sometimes I forget.

I have so much love to give. So much to say. Too much to say.

When it rains, have you ever noticed how everything kind of just blurs into one big artwork? You know they're all individual things, but there's something making it all jumbled? I feel like that's how this blog is right now. Just rain in the city. Just mixing colors, emotions and feelings.

watch us fly

tonight's been such a good night.

it's cold, and I'm about to experience winter in a whole different way.

good, sentimental things are being verbally, audibly expressed to me - all around me.

I'm blessed.

It's just a test.

It feels so good when you're riding your bike in a dress. tights underneath. converse up to your ankles, backpack on, sunglasses on your head.

sitting like an outsider on the concrete with a beautiful soul.

watching everyone's spirit rise, bodies rise.

goosebumps cover your arms.

hug a neck,

exchange stories,

go help your friend paint a birdhouse,

come home and hug your mother, kiss her on the mouth

put on a baggy shirt,

go outside and be held.

shiver.

share warmth.

share words,

love,

feelings.

do this to draw closer

to each other.

thank you thank you thank you thank you