Monday, February 8, 2010

please.

i just wanna go to the ocean.

i just want to go somewhere after sitting in a car for days. travelling, windows down and loud music. i don’t want to eat anything, i want to drink tea. you can come with me, i guess. when we make it to the shore, we never have to move. we don’t have to please anyone except maybe each other. that’s no chore though. we can write in our notebooks, listen to music, make bracelets. at night, when the breeze rushes over the waves and through our hair, we can protect our skin by wrapping my quilt around our shoulders. close our eyes and look up to feel the on our faces. we can wear the same clothes everyday and not care. who are we pleasing? where did we leave our shoes? our make up? our phones are lost in the water and our pen has replaced it’s place in our pockets.


Sunday, February 7, 2010

re stacks

sometimes i like having braces.
i really don't care.
i want to be warm and in the ocean somewhere.
i don't want to shower ever again.
i'm too dry and too clean and too flowy.
let me just beeeee and sitttt and reaaaaadddddd

i cannot wait for this cold to be far away from us.
cannot. wait.

hands of bone

quartz portfolio -
mmmmmmmm

Dreaming


Tugging like vines from the ground

against the old brick wall I grew up next to.

Growing in sync with the blooming weeds.

Attracting the insects

and beings

with our prints and designs.

Harmoniously singing

along with the wind chimes

that hung as an amulet off the branch.

The swing set

no longer a play area,

but an art form of lines and a house.

Spreading our wings,

extending our body-length arms

towards the clouds,

trying to obtain the planets;

the soaring, glowing meteors.


Worth The Wait

Alone in solitude,

comfortable and warm

laying in the sand near the salty ocean.

She whispers as her waves hit the shore;

hitting as easily as exhaling.

Inhaling.

She holds the lives of spineless,

soft creatures in her palms.

Grasped by the extremities of the cold ground

covered with granules.

Sticks protruding from the earth below her;

her womb.

She births life,

round and full of tiny

creatures that long to be adored.

Long to be moved

to a higher place.

A warmer surrounding.

Long to be near me,

comfortable and warm.


We’ll Be Found


Woven string,

our hearts

connected in patterns

and dyed different colors.

Created and used

in different fibers.

Fibers that hold

and sustain

our body

that aches,

almost cries,

for the familiarity

of the old cloth we continually throw aside.

Wasting away,

yet increasing it’s beauty.

It’s vibrance.

Saving it’s color,

preserving it’s quality.

We are all just

unknowingly attached.

Push and pull, we’re there.

Together we’re here.

Fully functioning;

a part of each other

hanging side by side in the same closet.

Waiting to be remembered,

waiting to be seen.

We are preserved on a shelf,

like a spectacle

in a little glass bottle.

Dried flowers;

crisp

in the vase

collecting dust,

losing importance.

We are not alone.

We are all together.

Push and pull, we’re there.

Together we’re here.

Fully functioning;

a part of each other.



Red Truck

You can see right through me.

Gliding planes,

I wish you could see the whole vision.


The golden reflection of the moon

around every object.

The black trees outlined by the glow.

Every insect is singing in unity,

each star is shining,

some dim and some brightly.

So open and liberated

in the back of an old red truck.

The hum of a sister sleeping,

the warmth of these well-knit blankets.

Humidity is no stranger,

only making things grow.

Through every vein

and every muscle;

I can feel it

Every emotion, every thought.

I hear a drum of a heartbeat,

quivering of a lip,

as the moon

quietly sneaks back

into her pocket

in the big open sky.


Always turning always spinning,

and we don't feel a thing.

Gravity pulling us down

and keeping us stable.

We don't really notice until we

take a minute to think

about the trees,

the moon, the stars -

all God's creation.

Our hearts are tightly wound

in the vulnerable space

where our minds have room to think,

to feel

and

to recognize

the beauty in front of us --

it's always there.

Always changing.

With the seasons

and as things grow.

Physically, mentally and emotionally.

Bringing us closer to the ground,

humbling us,

as gravity treats

the earth.


Thursday, February 4, 2010

muse

He wrote me a song.
He recorded it at his church with Tola. He wrote me a song. What does this mean? Where are we? Even bigger - where are we going?
"Rough Draft" tomorrow.

what does this mean?
a song about be, inspired by me.
I am not. n.o.t. a muse.
i've never considered myself something worth writing about. something worth composing about.
this speaks volumes, but obviously "it's not that big".

it's huge.

it's bigger than he thinks.
to me.

Wednesday, February 3, 2010

read/notecards

i. am. restless.
i've been at barnes and noble for an hour now. I've read 10 pages of the book i'm supposed to be nearly done with. it's really interesting, and i feel strangely inspired when i read it, so I have to keep stopping?
there's something comforting about being this restless and hearing the beat of a pencil on a tabletop paired with a piano.

hahahahaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa
ahhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh.
i just watched a 6 minute video of this guy cutting his hair.

the song just changed.

Tuesday, February 2, 2010

thursdays will always be ours

some nights seem perfect.

some seem like i'm right where i'm supposed to be.
i don't have a worry and i don't care that i'm not even tired yet.
i don't care about tomorrow and i don't care about right now because there's something bigger than time.

time.
don't hurry and remember the sabbath.
lifestream needs to become a habitual thing for mariah and i. it was nice to have our group growing into more than 3 people. today there were 5.
and the way you sang? made Healer even better.

do you know the way you move me?

thursdays will always be ours no matter what tries to separate us. don't forget about how important those days are to us, i never will be able to. you mean more than i've stated. i don't know if i can even put it into words everything that we've been through. but we're growing.

Monday, February 1, 2010

do you know the way you move me ?

sometimes i wish i was someone else. or i wish that i lived with someone else, and experienced the same things they did. i look at the pictures of white doors, sun shining in through the window. table by the double doors, flowers. hardwood floors. i wish i lived there. or knew the person that did so i could sit there and never leave that spot. maybe things like this are all around me and i have no idea because my mind is shut off. things are too familiar.

i want to live in a big big city where everyone's too busy for me.
or what i want especially is to be comfortable with everyone around me. i think i could name a good 3 people who i feel especially comfortable with no matter the circumstances. not including my family. why is that? why am i not sociable? will i ever be?
it's sort of annoying that everything has to be this big ordeal because i don't want to be "stuck". yanno, i do miss you. i really do. but sometimes you're overwhelming, and like i've stated before, i honestly feel like you take me for granted. that hurts and i think i lose a little respect for you there. :/ i'm sorry.
i'm sorry i'm sorry i'm sorry.
i'm sorry.

" i see everytime you seek my face
i see every movement of your heart towards me
i see every little movement of your heart towards me.
i see your love.
my beloved, i see your heart. "

i just want to write sometimes.

secrets:
"I'm more afraid of my past than my future"
that's so true, not only to him, but in my life. it's sad. i think of all of these ways i could resolve it and make everything better, but i really think i'll have to cut every tie. every single one and i'm not ready. it's woven deep into my skin, ready to blow through as the toughness of my skin wears away. maybe it's getting thicker. please get thicker.
we're growing together, it's almost like we're the same person. we have more similarities than i ever imagined. we keep discovering each and everyone, yet it's no surprise. it's almost a given.

i really miss being your friend.
i read that book of poetry, then i stop. because it's more than a book of pretty words.
i dunno, i can't really contact you. i don't know what to do.

i don't know what to do
i don't know
what
to

do.