im always sad, and always lonely. reaching to hold anyones hand who seems stable or sure. but it's not me. i'm in pain all the time, and never felt so much, yet nothing at all at the same time. i could get upset about how lonely i am, but there's no reason and i'd feel dumb later. so i just listen to bon iver and pretend like i'm not upset. i don't know what i'd say anyway. all my emotions are skewed, i haven't let myself cry this much in so long. as much as i try to wean myself off of the medication, i always come back sobbing. i'm always crying. just want to be held, to feel feminine and wanted. instead i just lay here on this same pillow i've had since i was tiny. damn it all